Going through Photograph Albums is like a walk down the memory lane. Sitting by the window, I spent my entire day trying to virtually relive the old days.
What was happiness then? A Candy, a bowl of noodles or simply riding a bicycle. Being happy was so easy. To most of the people now happiness is something you can show others on Social Media. You can’t be happy unless you are driving a Ferrari. Gradually I see happiness being more about money and less about a state of mind.
Grown ups and happy is a hard to find combination. No doubt, money brings happiness but are you genuinely happy or are you happy because the society considers you rich and the “obviously happy” category. You might feel incomplete even with plenty of cash in your hand.
Trust me, a small candy can still be your happiness if you want it to be. Why can’t you see the little things which are fetching you joy? Your happiness rests in your own hand. All you need to do is welcome it when it knocks at your door.
Where are you?
Do you even know how long it has been?
It has been so long that
I can’t recollect the way you laugh
The way you talk,
The way you socialise.
Why have you built that wall around you?
The one that is too strong to collapse.
My dear, I am not talking about your beloved.
I am looking for the “inner you”.
The “you” you have been fleeing from.
The inner you wants to be the cheerful person once again.
You have tried many ways of breaking the wall.
Well, try few more.
How long will you run?
“Do you really need to run this race?”
What do you want to be?
Where do you want to see yourself?
How long will you grumble about the things you lack?
How long will you regret for not being the privileged?
Before you buckle your shoes and begin running,
Make sure you have won over the grumbling stage.
Chase what you want.
Be that Hero
who fights till he is black and blue.
Don’t give up if success does not embrace you at once.
When you are being defeated
Remember what Heywood said
“Rome wasn’t built in one day but they were laying bricks every hour.”
Sitting static on the floor
Staring at the pillar all day
Leaning his back against the wall
He feels dead.
He repents all day for his deeds.
He prays to rewind his life.
Alas! He cannot do it.
He keeps feeling dead.
He is about to step out of the prison today.
He will be set free.
The chained life is about to end.
He can see a ray of hope.
He feels alive.
He has been given his freedom.
The sun rays embraced him.
The cool breeze greeted him.
The smell of wet grass reminded him of his village.
But he was not feeling alive anymore.
Thousand thoughts were running in his mind.
Does he still have a family?
Do his friends remember him?
Will the society accept him?
Will he always be considered a “criminal”?
He believes his life has no purpose.
He feels dead again.
Set me free.
Let me loiter around one more time.
I feel like playing with the wet grass,
Getting mesmerised by the cool breeze
Going down and rising above all on a See-Saw.
Is this too much to ask for?
Is this not worth being granted?
It has been long since I have tasted freedom.
Just like once you have been in love you will always want to be loved,
once you know how freedom is, you will always want to be free.
They say “Freedom is a lonely road.”
I don’t believe them.
I say “Captivity and loneliness come hand in hand.”
In a closed room banging your head against the wall or
behind the bars blaming yourself or
guilt clogged in your own mind
you will set yourself free soon.
Once again you will be soaring up high like a free bird.
The door awaits to be knocked .
The window wishes you to peep.
The walls crave to hear your voice.
Will you someday walk in?
Will you someday peep through?
Will you someday break this silence?
Their hopes are lingering.
Slowly they are giving up.
The door, windows and walls are numb now.
Now they stand still.
In your awkward silence they managed to find peace.
The bliss of solitude has filled them with joy.
What do you do when you begin doing something which you don’t want to? Well, I usually start lying to myself. I make efforts to make myself believe that the other thing was not good for me and this is great. This thing which I don’t want to do will get me happiness. I have always done this successfully.
But tonight is a different. I don’t feel like lying to myself. How long will I? How many times should I convince myself for things I don’t like? I am tired.
Tonight all I can think is “If this thing brings me good fruits, will it be fruits of happiness or only fruits? What if I had done the thing I liked, got no fruits but be happy about the fact that I did what I wanted to?”
All the time these thoughts paralyse me. It keeps me lying on the bed, thinking and thinking all day long. Then I wake up to do the thing I don’t want to.
The inner “me” is rebellious tonight. Answer to all these things is utterly required. The weaker “me” is still looking for an excuse to suppress and convince the inner “me”.
Tonight I hope the inner “me” wins.
Don’t you at times think you need somebody to rescue you?Rescue you from a trap you can’t see or which doesn’t even exist. You have been struggling to understand the trap but you have not been able to. If not a trap, it is something unpleasant or a series of unpleasant events. May be these are my late night thoughts or the invisible trap that is troubling me. Once again I will place my trust on someone or something I cannot see. I can only hope he will come to rescue me. I hope he will run to save me like I have always tried to rescue the troubled. My trembling hopes and unfulfilled desires are constantly telling me that he won’t turn up. He will turn a deaf ear to my complaints. If he doesn’t, I will clear the mess myself and be the woman that helps herself and has saved herself on her own every time. However, this time I genuinely want you to be my saviour.
What shall I write about “You”? You make me come across the softer side, rather the real side of myself. You fetch again the lost and criticised face of mine. You bridge the gap between what I am genuinely and what I am simply trying to be. I run away from myself because to rush is easier than to stand and fight. You give me reasons to stand up for myself. My thoughts being mocked do not bother me anymore because I now have somebody who believes they are beautiful.
I will never be able to justify our bond. I cannot give you the tag of a friend, lover, guide or anything. I can only say that I wish to be Alice if you could be a Wonderland. I want to be lost in you.
I cannot walk to you and tell about the things that you have unknowingly done for me. I wish great things come your way, wonders happen with you and you be blessed with whatever you want.
You will always be my beautiful dream which will never come true.
You can pour your heart out, you can tell him about everything you feel , you can race against every one else, you can make every possible effort but he might never be yours. You should sometimes blame your stars and walk away because you won’t always get whoever you have feelings for. Well, you cannot stop people from leaving or you cannot compel them to be yours. All you can do is love them, wish them good luck and walk away if they aren’t a part of your life. If you continously have the fear of losing, do not make efforts to get them. Having and losing is something the nature has always witnessed. You cannot stop this cycle. May be you lose people for the good, may be because they were never yours or may be because you were never good enough for them. We, Human beings are tiny helpless creatures in matters of heart. We are not able to see logics behind matters of heart and easily get trapped by false hope. Accepting situations is something we all should learn. Not accepting makes life even more miserable. At times, we need to stop battling and accept life as it is served. All we can do is either blame our stars or just thank them.